Being Safe in Cyberspace

It's interesting that for a young adult with autism, one would think that socializing would be very difficult, but Marisa is one who is too sociable, not always knowing how to set limits and be safe. When she was much younger she would approach a person that she thought would make a good friend, and sometimes get into trouble. She couldn't recognize that they may not be interested in being friends or perhaps were not appropriate as friends. When she finally learned that she should not talk to strangers, she thought that was all she had to know to be safe from potential harm.

Then she became very knowledgeable on the Internet, and after learning to "IM" and join social networks, she once again had to be taught to take extra care of Internet safety by setting her account privacy settings on "friends only." As I was busy preparing dinner last night, I could hear Marisa speaking the words she was typing to someone on facebook. "I do not know you." she wrote. I dropped what I was doing to rush over to the computer, only to see her conversing with a man whose image was mostly hidden in dark shadow. "Who is this?" I said. Marisa responded that she didn't know. I scanned the brief on-line conversation and saw that this stranger had written, "Your name popped up on my page." I immediately told Marisa to check her privacy settings to make sure they was set correctly to "friends only." To my horror Marisa's settings were set at "everyone." I don't think this was Marisa's fault, because we had set her account to "friends only" originally. Perhaps when facebook redid their website, the account settings had to be redone. So together we reset all to "friends only."

Once the settings were changed, we went back to look at the strangers profile, because Marisa wasn't sure if this was possibly someone she did know. Of course after we checked the profile, Marisa was able to realize on her own, that this man was much older and lives quite far away from us. "I don't know him!" she said with certainty. "And what do you think you need to do now?" I said. "I'll delete him!" she said. And that was that.

So even though this was a scary situation to me, it was a learning experience for both of us. Stay tuned to what you child is doing and don't ever assume all is well. But also, in spite of what happened, I still realize that although Marisa was conversing briefly with this person, she was wise enough to know that he was a stranger. I have to wonder what would have happened if I didn't rush right in and take over. Perhaps she would have been smart enough to delete him without my saying so.

For Marisa the lesson learned was to check her account settings frequently to make sure they are set properly on "friends only." We need to remember how empowering it is for a young adult with special needs to be able to play a role in looking out for their own safety. It's a confidence builder for sure! I know my daughter will be happier knowing how to make the right choices for herself while learning to navigate her way safely in a confusing world, and she knows that I will always be there to offer the supports she may need along the way.