Friday, October 11, 2013

Just Dance!

In September we planned a spur-of-the-moment week-end away at Mohonk Mountain House in New Palz, New York. We were away with Marisa's friend and his family, enjoying a few days of fine dining, hiking, kayaking, boating and entertainment at the mountaintop old world resort. On Saturday evening, after dinner, we went to listen to a jazz band. Then later, we heard an inviting musical number which lead us down the main hall to one of the many lounges.

We walked in to the dimly lit room with nightclub ambiance. There were numerous tables and chairs around a shiny but empty dance floor. We noticed that all seats were taken, so we stood in the back of the room and listened to the band and singer. We weren't there more than 30 seconds when Marisa bounded on to the dance floor, dancing to the beat of the music. I wasn't sure if this was okay as Marisa glanced back at me to see if I was going to raise an objection. I thought, it is a dance floor after all and Marisa wasn't blocking the performers. I shrugged and smiled but gave her no signal that she was doing anything wrong. Marisa continued to dance! 

As I watched Marisa, I thought to myself, how nice to be so uninhibited! Then I looked at the performers all dressed in black. The lead singer was wearing touches of silver sequins and glitter. I glanced again at Marisa and realized that she too was wearing black with a sequined top that blended  well enough with the singer, that she could have passed for the band's hired dancer. It was odd that no one chose to dance, but at the same time, it was pleasing to watch Marisa enjoying the freedom to dance her heart out and be so unaffected by the audience around her.

After 15 minutes of listening to the music and watching Marisa dance, my friend excused herself as she left briefly for the ladies room. As if on cue, a woman on the sidelines got up from her chair and started to dance close to where she was seated, but just ever so slightly, because it had to feel weird to go all out onto the dance floor as Marisa had done. A few more minutes passed, and then a couple got off their chairs and came on to the dance floor too. Then another couple stood up to dance, and in a matter of minutes there were numerous people dancing as the band played on and Marisa continued to dance around the dance floor.

When my friend returned, she stopped short as she did a double take. She looked at me with astonished surprise, and we both laughed knowing who was responsible for the transformation in the room. Marisa had broken the ice! She had been dancing alone for 15 minutes before anyone else had decided to stand up and enjoy the dance floor. At the end of the the performance the band leader gratefully acknowledged and credited Marisa for creating a livelier audience who were enjoying the performance the way they had intended.

I thought about Marisa's autism and how it affects so much of what she does and who she is. Once again, as many times before, I focused on the positives in Marisa's personality. I knew that her lack of inhibition had it's advantages. How many of us hold back from doing something we would love to do, but don't, because we are afraid of how we will appear to others? Maybe we can all learn something from this example. Life is short! Do we really want to waste time thinking about what others will think? What do we have to lose by being spontaneous and enjoying the moment? Who cares what anyone else thinks? That's got to be what Marisa was thinking! She had nothing to lose and everything to gain by going with her feelings, because she's been taught that as long as it isn't interfering with someone else or being harmful in any way, it is okay.

I wish I could think that way too. I wish I had the ability to be spontaneous and grab the moment. Don't we all? But maybe this is just so much easier for Marisa, because spontaneity is just one of many gifts that she has for being on the spectrum. That night, as I watched her on the dance floor, I realized how happy I was that I played a part in nurturing and encouraging her ability to grab the moment.