The Happy Shopper

We all know the feeling we get from planning a shopping trip to the mall. Usually we have something in mind that we are looking for ... a new pair of sneakers ... a dress for a special occasion ... new clothing for the upcoming season. Speaking from a woman's point of view, I think I can safely say that most women love shopping. Marisa is no exception. She would happily go out to shop every week-end if I were willing to take her, but since I have been teaching her to budget herself for the month, she has cut back a bit. Recently, she approached me to ask if we could go to the mall. She had cash in her wallet but knew it wouldn't be enough to cover her shopping excursion. I was pleasantly surprised when she asked how much money she had left in her account for the month.

 "Well, that's a good point!" I replied. "Let's take a look!" 

I pulled out the notebook where I have all her monthly expenses recorded and we checked the balance.

"It appears that you have about $150 left for this month, but we're not even halfway through the month. You will need to save some of this money for unexpected expenses. What do you need?" I asked. I then noticed Marisa had a collection of coupons in her hand for various stores.

"I have coupons that are going to expire, so I have to use them this week-end," she answered.

Marisa didn't seem to understand that the coupons were simply a way to get her in the store, even though I had explained this to her numerous times. I mentioned it again, but she seemed to disregard what I said.  She clearly had her own agenda.


There were 5 stores Marisa was planning to look through with very particular ideas of what she wanted to purchase. To be perfectly honest, once she explained what she was going to shop for, I actually felt it made sense to try to use the coupons. For example, she wanted more collared shirts for work, but needed the short sleeve version since the weather was warming up. She had a coupon for the store she was hoping to find this item at. She wanted shoes for the school prom and was planning to check out another store where she had a coupon. Among other items on her list, it all seemed to make sense. We went from one store to another but on this particular day, Marisa was not finding a single item that she felt was right for her. At this point, I was expecting her to start getting frustrated and angry. Odd as it seemed to me, but pleasantly surprised by her calm way of handling one disappointment after another, this didn't happen. After two hours at the mall Marisa had had it.

"Let's go home! I'll throw away these coupons and wait for new ones," she suddenly commented.

"You are so smart today," I said. "That is such a good idea!"

When we arrived home, Marisa took her wallet out of her bag. She opened it to remove the collection of coupons she was storing and tossed them in the garbage.

"Maybe I'll wait," she said. "I have time, and we can go another week-end."

I thought about all the times I had been telling Marisa to space her shopping trips throughout the month, so she would have enough money to last, not just for purchases in stores but for recreational activities like movies or lunch dates. I thought about all the times I had told her that coupons are just a way to get you in to the store, and that there will always be more coupons. Then I realized that something was clearly happening. Marisa was thinking things through. She was learning to delay her gratification. She was learning to make wise choices. She was becoming a wise shopper. My mini lectures were not wasted on her. She had been listening all along. She was ...  growing up!

Is it Possible That There's a Role Reversal?

Back in February 2011 I wrote a post entitled Moving Ahead on the Road to Independence. It didn't occur to me then, that the task of teaching Marisa to prepare salads for our family dinner would be mastered as quickly as it was. Marisa learned to prepare a salad using 8 vegetables. She learned to wash and dry the vegetables, cut by hand and use the food processor to shred and slice others. This is not your ordinary lettuce and tomato salad. It is a favorite combination of vegetables and seasonings that I use to prepare our dinner salad every day. It never occurred to me that Marisa would master this goal completely in less than two months. I am happy and proud to say that she has done just that!

So how is it that Marisa was able to accomplish this goal so quickly I asked myself? Then I decided to ask her that question.

"I'm going to move to my own apartment!" she answered.

I was surprised! But why should I be surprised? Marisa, just like any young person on the brink of adulthood, is eager to assert her independence. She is trying to learn all things necessary to accomplish that goal. And one thing that she should be able to do is prepare her meals. So, preparing a salad may not require oven cooking skills, but it does require some understanding of hygiene in handling food and some knowledge of how to handle knives and a food processor safely.

Then a couple of weeks ago I walked in to the kitchen after completing my treadmill workout. There was Marisa already busy at the kitchen work island. She had assembled the salad bowl, the cutting board and all the ingredients for the preparation of our dinner salad. WOW! I thought. I never even asked!

"That's great Marisa! You've started my salad for me. I'll help you get it done," I said.

What really surprised me was what she said to me in response.

"Mom! Do you like helping me out?"

I looked over at her as she busied herself cutting red pepper into precise 1/2 slices. I was amazed and delighted by her question. This is truly a role reversal! 

"I absolutely do! I love helping you out and watching you do such a super job too!"

I feel blessed and grateful that she is eager and able to learn these skills. Then I thought about all the time and hard work teaching Marisa the skills she needs to help her manage on her own. She really, really wants this. No matter how long, I will share her pride when she is able to accomplish this goal one day. The time and effort will be well worth it for both of us.