Joining social networking groups ... planning parties ...
These things always seem like such fun ideas to Marisa. She has signed up for many social networking groups, with the thought in mind that she would be making new friends. Somehow, she doesn't seem to realize that this could be just as dangerous as approaching a stranger on the street.
"Why did you do this after all the discussions we've had?" I would ask.
She would tell me that one of her friends suggested a certain group to join, or that she found it available on Facebook.
"That doesn't matter, and doesn't make it okay for you," I would say. "Let's take a look at some of the people who have looked at your profile and are interested in meeting you."
We then would browse the long list of young and some times older men who seemed to want to meet Marisa. "Are you really interested in meeting this person ... or this one ... or that one?" I would say, as we'd peruse the long list of interested possible new friends.
"NO, NO!" she'd yell back as she glanced at the numerous individuals ranging in age from 15 to 40 and beyond.
Well, the Internet is a dangerous place for our kids, requiring us to be forever watchful, always needing to explain the reasons why certain things are just not a good idea.
"I don't talk to strangers!" Marisa would say, but she may very well think that typing on the computer doesn't qualify as talking to strangers. So, again we have to cover all the bases and explain that this is just as dangerous, if not worse, because inviting strangers to look over your profile could lead to major problems.
The consequences were clear enough once Marisa viewed the interested list of young and older men.
Okay, so it doesn't end there. Last week, I received a Facebook message from one of Marisa's friends. She was letting me know that she would attend Marisa's Halloween Party on October 31st at 5 PM.
What? What party? I was thinking. I quickly logged in to Marisa's Facebook page and there to my disbelief, though actually I wasn't so surprised, was an event posted for a Halloween Party from 5-9 PM on October 31st at my home. How nice of Marisa to also post on the event that no egg throwing would be allowed. As I glanced over the invitation list, I saw that there were some 40 friends invited. WOW! This was wishful planning on Marisa's part. Every year we have a birthday party at our home, but I limit it to 25. Major planning goes in to the party. We shop for paper tableware, plan activities, rearrange a room for seating and order food.
"Marisa, how were you planning to have this party without telling me?" I asked.
"Oh ... I don't know."
"And what were you going to serve at the party?"
"Pizza for 40!" she replied as if it was going to be the event of the year!
"Okay, so how were you planning to pay for all the pizza?"
"Hmm!"
Well it really did get her thinking!
"Yes, I know you always want to have a Halloween Party, but one big birthday party in the house each year is more than enough responsibility." I explained. "I know you're disappointed, and I guess you figured that since I wouldn't agree to the party, you just would skip the asking part, and go straight to the inviting. What do you think would happen if all your friends showed up and there was no plan in place? No party tables or tableware for eating, no pizza, and no planned activity. Then what?"
Marisa thought and then said, "I'm sorry!"
I looked at her sympathetically and remarked, "I guess you were trying to make this dream come true, but in reality, the dream would have turned into a nightmare!"
Marisa glanced off seeming deep in thought as she replied "yeah" and then laughed at the consequence of the nightmare that didn't happen.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The First Step in Food Safety
Have you ever purchased canned food, only to come home and find that the vacuum seal has been compromised because the inverted button on the top of the can is not inverted? That has happened to me more than once. Now I carefully check the cans and jars I select at the store before I purchase them. When cans and jars are safely sealed, there will be no popping sound when you press down on the top of the can or jar cap.
While teaching our children to prepare food, we also need to teach them to check for airtight seals on the jars and cans they purchase, because some day they may be purchasing these items on their own. On trips to the supermarket, I give Marisa items we select to check for the airtight seal. I remind her that if it makes a popping noise, then it is not okay to purchase, because the airtight seal has been broken and the food may no longer be fresh. Then it's important to turn the item in to customer service so other people will not purchase the item and risk getting sick.
At home I might open a can or jar and then ask Marisa to test it to see if it is still airtight or has been opened, or I might show her an opened jar as opposed to one that hasn't been opened yet. Then I will ask her to distinguish between the one that is opened and the one that is still sealed. I want to be sure she remembers to always check items before using them.
Recently Marisa announced that she found the perfect recipe for nights that she would have to eat quickly in order to make it to her Drama Club. I was very pleasantly surprised when she selected a very healthy recipe from The Biggest Loser 30-Day Jump Start cookbook she recently purchased for herself.
"Portobello Pizzas! Oh how nice!" I remarked.
We purchased all the ingredients together, and then I watched as she assembled and prepared her quick fix dinner. She preheated the oven, took out all the ingredients, lined and greased a baking pan, and washed and dried her 2 portobello mushrooms. Then she took the new jar of pizza sauce we had purchased and pressed down on the cap to test it's airtight seal. As she opened the jar there was a pop and a rush of air.
"Check the seal now," I said. She pressed the cap and listened to the pop, knowing that because she had opened the jar, there would be a distinct popping sound.
"Now that the jar is opened, you will have to refrigerate it," I said.
We checked the sauce website to find out how long we could safely refrigerate an opened jar of sauce, and learned that it was safe to use for seven days. I suggested that we write the date on the jar so we will remember when the sauce was opened. "Okay," Marisa answered as we marked the cap of the jar. "I'll use it again on Friday before my evening program!"
I was relieved to realize that I was taking steps to make sure Marisa would know these very basic but important food safety precautions. I thought back and cringed at the time she opened a jar of sauce and then stored it in the kitchen cabinet for another day. It wasn't until a week later that I found the jar she had used at least two times. I learned something very important from that experience. We can't assume these little things will be learned by osmosis. Every little thing must be taught. Just one more moment to learn from in the journey toward a safe, less dependent and happy future.
While teaching our children to prepare food, we also need to teach them to check for airtight seals on the jars and cans they purchase, because some day they may be purchasing these items on their own. On trips to the supermarket, I give Marisa items we select to check for the airtight seal. I remind her that if it makes a popping noise, then it is not okay to purchase, because the airtight seal has been broken and the food may no longer be fresh. Then it's important to turn the item in to customer service so other people will not purchase the item and risk getting sick.
At home I might open a can or jar and then ask Marisa to test it to see if it is still airtight or has been opened, or I might show her an opened jar as opposed to one that hasn't been opened yet. Then I will ask her to distinguish between the one that is opened and the one that is still sealed. I want to be sure she remembers to always check items before using them.
Recently Marisa announced that she found the perfect recipe for nights that she would have to eat quickly in order to make it to her Drama Club. I was very pleasantly surprised when she selected a very healthy recipe from The Biggest Loser 30-Day Jump Start cookbook she recently purchased for herself.
"Portobello Pizzas! Oh how nice!" I remarked.
We purchased all the ingredients together, and then I watched as she assembled and prepared her quick fix dinner. She preheated the oven, took out all the ingredients, lined and greased a baking pan, and washed and dried her 2 portobello mushrooms. Then she took the new jar of pizza sauce we had purchased and pressed down on the cap to test it's airtight seal. As she opened the jar there was a pop and a rush of air.
"Check the seal now," I said. She pressed the cap and listened to the pop, knowing that because she had opened the jar, there would be a distinct popping sound.
"Now that the jar is opened, you will have to refrigerate it," I said.
We checked the sauce website to find out how long we could safely refrigerate an opened jar of sauce, and learned that it was safe to use for seven days. I suggested that we write the date on the jar so we will remember when the sauce was opened. "Okay," Marisa answered as we marked the cap of the jar. "I'll use it again on Friday before my evening program!"
I was relieved to realize that I was taking steps to make sure Marisa would know these very basic but important food safety precautions. I thought back and cringed at the time she opened a jar of sauce and then stored it in the kitchen cabinet for another day. It wasn't until a week later that I found the jar she had used at least two times. I learned something very important from that experience. We can't assume these little things will be learned by osmosis. Every little thing must be taught. Just one more moment to learn from in the journey toward a safe, less dependent and happy future.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Telephone Safety
"Hello!"
"Who is this?" Marisa asked.
And again I heard Marisa ask,
"Who is this?"
Then a third time she asked,
"Who is this?" before she then said to the person on the other end of the line,
"It's Marisa ... Marisa Rubin."
That was how it went as Marisa answered the phone, but it was far from the typical way most of her experiences answering the phone go. I quickly tuned in when she repeated Who is this? three times and obviously was not getting an answer. Then she gave her name to a stranger on the phone.
I grabbed the phone to ask, "Who is this?" When I got that same question repeated back to me, I then asked again, "No, who are YOU?" Okay, I finally got an answer, and then asked,
"Who do you want to speak to?"
When the person on the other end of the line finally answered me, I realized it was a wrong number and then told him. When I got off the phone, I knew that Marisa had a small moment to learn from as a result of this incident.
"Marisa, when someone calls and doesn't tell you who they are, you don't give them your name. You need to find out who you are talking to. You might as well be giving your name out to a stranger on the street. Except in this case, the stranger already has your phone number," I explained.
So how does one go about teaching our very naive children on the autism spectrum how to answer the phone safely? This was not an easy task.
I started out by telling Marisa that when someone doesn't give you an answer to the question
Who is this?
you don't turn around and allow them to ask you the same question! You should never give out your name to a stranger on the phone or anywhere else for that matter.
I wasn't sure if she really understood this idea so I decided to try a few practice conversations.
"Okay, pretend I'm the stranger calling, and you answer the phone and say hello. You say, Who is this? and I say in response, Who is THIS? Marisa answered by telling me her name just as she had done on the phone with the stranger. "NO, NO!" I said, feeling totally frustrated but not willing to give up. It took about 5 or 6 tries to get Marisa to finally answer the question by repeating the question, Who is this? Finally we were making headway. I think she was getting it at last.
Then one afternoon, the phone rang as usual, and Marisa answered the phone.
"Hello, who is this?" she asked, as she always does when she answers the phone.
I looked up and waited to find out who was calling.
"Who is this?" she asked a second time.
"Who is this?" she repeated yet again. Marisa was listening, and then I knew that the lesson I had given was going to be put to the test at last. Then she said,
"Who do you want to speak to?" She listened and then said,"Oh, you have the wrong number!" This she announced with pride in her voice as she hung up the phone.
"Marisa, who called?"
"Oh, it was a wrong number!" she said.
"Well, I'm proud of you for remembering to get the person's name and who they wanted to speak to. You did a great job today!"
"Who is this?" Marisa asked.
And again I heard Marisa ask,
"Who is this?"
Then a third time she asked,
"Who is this?" before she then said to the person on the other end of the line,
"It's Marisa ... Marisa Rubin."
That was how it went as Marisa answered the phone, but it was far from the typical way most of her experiences answering the phone go. I quickly tuned in when she repeated Who is this? three times and obviously was not getting an answer. Then she gave her name to a stranger on the phone.
I grabbed the phone to ask, "Who is this?" When I got that same question repeated back to me, I then asked again, "No, who are YOU?" Okay, I finally got an answer, and then asked,
"Who do you want to speak to?"
When the person on the other end of the line finally answered me, I realized it was a wrong number and then told him. When I got off the phone, I knew that Marisa had a small moment to learn from as a result of this incident.
"Marisa, when someone calls and doesn't tell you who they are, you don't give them your name. You need to find out who you are talking to. You might as well be giving your name out to a stranger on the street. Except in this case, the stranger already has your phone number," I explained.
So how does one go about teaching our very naive children on the autism spectrum how to answer the phone safely? This was not an easy task.
I started out by telling Marisa that when someone doesn't give you an answer to the question
Who is this?
you don't turn around and allow them to ask you the same question! You should never give out your name to a stranger on the phone or anywhere else for that matter.
I wasn't sure if she really understood this idea so I decided to try a few practice conversations.
"Okay, pretend I'm the stranger calling, and you answer the phone and say hello. You say, Who is this? and I say in response, Who is THIS? Marisa answered by telling me her name just as she had done on the phone with the stranger. "NO, NO!" I said, feeling totally frustrated but not willing to give up. It took about 5 or 6 tries to get Marisa to finally answer the question by repeating the question, Who is this? Finally we were making headway. I think she was getting it at last.
Then one afternoon, the phone rang as usual, and Marisa answered the phone.
"Hello, who is this?" she asked, as she always does when she answers the phone.
I looked up and waited to find out who was calling.
"Who is this?" she asked a second time.
"Who is this?" she repeated yet again. Marisa was listening, and then I knew that the lesson I had given was going to be put to the test at last. Then she said,
"Who do you want to speak to?" She listened and then said,"Oh, you have the wrong number!" This she announced with pride in her voice as she hung up the phone.
"Marisa, who called?"
"Oh, it was a wrong number!" she said.
"Well, I'm proud of you for remembering to get the person's name and who they wanted to speak to. You did a great job today!"
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