Goals of Their Own

As I glanced at pictures of Marisa to add to this blog, I thought back at how much she has improved her appearance. I stopped to wonder. When did this happen? I realized that for many years, when she was still a young child, her diet was extremely limited. This is a problem for many parents of children with autism or other special needs. Many of our kids love french fries, chicken nuggets and soda. It seems to be the food that is most agreeable to them. It is so much easier to give in and make our kids happy. I am also guilty of this, because for a very long time I rewarded Marisa with fast food kids meals three times a week. I'm not saying it's a terrible thing to eat fast food occasionally, but as a regular habit three or more times a week, one must realize it's going to show physically. In Marisa's case it did. Even though "Try a new food" was listed on her goal chart as being worth 10 points, it wasn't enough to help her change her diet to a healthier one. At the age of ten she was beginning to go above the average weight for girls her age, and that weight continued to increase over the next few years. By the time she was 15, she weighed 140 pounds. For a girl of 5'2" this was a bit high. Something clearly had to be done.

Any opportunity I had, I would remind Marisa that just trying one bite of something new would enable her to earn 10 points. I was hoping that adding new foods to her diet would help decrease some of the bad foods. This was a good start, but then at some point we had to decrease the number of days Marisa ate fast food for dinner. It was a very gradual process. I do remember as Marisa checked her appearance in the mirror daily and realized that she was not liking the extra weight she was seeing, she became more interested in those new foods I was encouraging her to try. Believe it or not, when one fast food day was eliminated Marisa's weight started to drop, so she became more receptive and willing to eliminate the second fast food day. This took about a year, but then one day Marisa said to me that she no longer wanted that one last fast food meal each week that she was still having. When I asked her why, she simply said, "I don't want to be fat."

Then about a year ago, Marisa came home from school and told me that she wanted to weigh no more than 110. I didn't know where this figure was coming from so I asked her. She showed me a chart she had received at school in which healthy weights were listed by age, gender and height, and sure enough she was right on target. For her height and age, her healthy weight range was between 110-120. Well, that was the beginning of a self-imposed goal. Marisa had decided on her own that she was going to eat healthy and exercise daily to reach her optimal weight. How amazing is that? Over the course of a year I watched the pounds melt away and watched as my daughter started to exercise regularly. "Where did you get these exercises from?" I asked one day. "From my Seventeen Magazine!" she said. I was very impressed as I left her room.

Marisa continues to surprise me as she works toward her optimal weight goal. "Here are some healthy dinner recipes!" she said one day as she handed me a printout from the computer. Wow! My daughter was now changing MY diet, telling ME what to cook and eat to stay healthy. "Hey, this does look good!" I said. "I'll buy these ingredients for next week." And so Marisa has helped us all improve. She has shown my whole family what incredible discipline she has and we are all so proud of her.

The point of this story is that sometimes our special needs children may feel so strongly about what they want, that we may be pleasantly surprised when they are able to define and achieve their own goals all by themselves. Whether it is a health goal, academic goal, or a social goal we are there to encourage them and give them the credit they so deserve for doing it on their own and in their own way.