Learning Etiquette on Instant Messaging

POP! click, click, click ... Marisa quickly responds to a friend's instant message.

POP! click, click, click ... Marisa responds to friend number 2 on instant messaging.

POP! click, click, click ... Marisa responds to friend number 3 on instant messaging???

Does Marisa had social deficits? Yes she does, but is trying her best to overcome them.

I quickly run over to the computer where she sits clicking away on the keys. I see that she is instant messaging 3 friends at once, responding to them but often ignoring statements they make in regard to themselves and their latest ventures.

"Marisa, you ignored your friend's comment. How would you feel if they ignored some good news you told them about? Go back, go back!" I said.

Marisa goes back to the previous friend's IM where we quickly discuss some possible responses to her friend. I stand by and watch as the POP! POP! of her other two friends come up in the IM boxes. I try to help Marisa navigate through the give and take of conversation in writing. She manages to juggle all three and then shuts off.

"NO, NO!" I said. "Go back and end the conversation."

Marisa goes back on IM and finishes with, "I have to go now. See you tomorrow!"

"Much better," I said. "You don't want your friends to think you vanished in the middle of a conversation."

IM has turned out to be a marvelous teaching tool for developing conversational skills. What's nice about it is that if you are watching, you are able to point out errors and areas for improvement. For example, when Marisa didn't respond to something a friend said, I was able to explain to her that her friend would be disappointed if she ignored their comment.

"How would you feel if they ignored some good news you told them about?" I had asked.

That made Marisa more aware of her responses. Those on the autism spectrum seem to focus on their own interests and ideas, often blocking out or showing no interest in what others have to say. The art of conversation is an important social skill. By using IM with a support person nearby, one has an opportunity to learn this skill. With practice, the ability to hold a meaningful conversation will have a greater chance of being mastered or at least improved. Friendships among those on the autism spectrum can and should be nurtured. Then perhaps conversational skills with the neurotypical population will have a greater chance for success too!