"What for?" I asked, even though I knew the answer had to be because of some coupon she had found. Marisa is constantly searching the Internet and her magazines for freebies and coupons.
She had just received the latest issue of Seventeen Magazine in the mail on Friday, so I knew something was up.
"I can get a free tee shirt!" she replied. I asked her to show me where she had seen that. She quickly ran down to her bedroom to retrieve the latest issue of Seventeen Magazine. As she flipped through the pages, I waited to see what enticing advertisement she had seen. When I glanced at the ad it was clear to see that free tee shirts were being given away with no gimmicks or need to purchase anything. It seemed too good to be true.
We arrived at the mall and headed for Aeropostale. Marisa walked around the store looking for the free tee shirt table. Then a salesperson realized what we were there for and quickly directed us. Marisa picked out a pink tee shirt. "Is that all?" I asked. Then Marisa informed me that she had a $10 off coupon if she made a purchase. "Okay," I replied wearily as I followed her down the aisle. Marisa, the quickest shopper I've ever seen, knew what she wanted. She approached a 50% off table of tee shirts and picked out a pretty purple shirt with peace signs and Aeropostale adorned in silver glitter.
We headed for the checkout counter and Marisa quickly pulled her $10 off coupon from her wallet. "Oh, you need to spend $50 to use the coupon," the sales clerk said. I should have realized this was coming. "Okay, we'll look around some more," I said, not wanting to disappoint Marisa. We browsed the tee shirt table again and Marisa selected another shirt. "It won't add up to $50," I said, "so why not look at something else." Marisa did not take long to find a pair of Bermuda length jean shorts. I thought we were done by now, with two tee shirts and a third one free plus a pair of jean shorts, but when the items were totaled at the checkout counter they only came to $48. "On the counter here, we have some underwear on sale for $2," the sales clerk said, but Marisa headed for the regular underwear, because that's what she preferred. She returned holding her selection. The sales clerk quickly informed me that the price was $7.50, much more than we needed to spend to reach the $50 required to use the $10 off coupon. "Who cares," I announced. "I just want to get out of here!" With a grand total of $58 and $10 off we ended up spending $48. Marisa left the store happy!
"Marisa, we spent $48 on things you didn't need. Do you even have room in your drawers? I think we did enough shopping for at least the next month," I said. As I drove home I started to lecture Marisa about how important it is to save money for the things we really need, like paying for housing and food. "When you're living on your own you will have to consider the things you need to pay for before spending on the things you want," I said. As I lectured, I could see Marisa getting angry in the back seat. She started to grit her teeth and look upset. I knew I was not being fair. "Okay," I said, "we'll just have to come up with a plan for how we will use coupons in the future."
You must be wondering why I agreed to spend money on things she didn't need. When Marisa has a coupon, she gets very upset if she goes to the store and doesn't get to use it, so rather than create a situation that would lead to disappointment, frustration and an outburst, I was better off letting it go this time. In retrospect it would have been wiser if I had asked Marisa if she had any coupons before leaving the house.
Two ideas came to mind from this experience. First, it would have been wise to go over all of Marisa's coupons before the trip to the mall. By doing so, I would have had a chance in the privacy of our home, to come up with a plan for what was needed. Perhaps the coupon could have been saved for a future trip if there was no immediate need. Even if it couldn't be saved, it surely wouldn't be the last coupon she'd ever see.
The second thought that came to mind is to make Marisa more aware of how her funds are being used each month. Rather than recording all the things she spends her money on, it might be better to start with the total each month and have her deduct the necessary expenses like her rent, food purchases, school and recreation expenses. Then she would be able to use the remaining money for the things she would like to spend on like new clothing, jewelry, makeup and book and magazine purchases. It's a new plan that I will put in place for next month, as I've already explained to Marisa. At least going over this plan didn't make her angry like my lecture in the car did.
This morning Marisa entered the kitchen ready for a new day and a new school week. She was wearing her new purple Aeropostale tee shirt all decked out in silver and tucked neatly into her new denim Bermuda length shorts. "You look so pretty today Marisa!" I said as I thought about how annoying I must have been the day before while lecturing her on our way home from the mall. "She really didn't do so badly," my husband announced. "After all, she did get a free tee shirt and all the clothes half off along with the $10 off coupon." "We just need to help her learn to budget better and with a little help she will," I replied. I then thought, For a girl who is so fashion conscious it definitely shows, but what's really nice is that Marisa is self-assured and happy with the way she looks. To me, that's half the battle! It doesn't get much better than that!
I have been through the same experience with my son Chris. He loves his clothes, and I would mistakenly give into his whims because I felt he doesn't have much more in his life that makes him happy. Big mistake. We now go to his favorite store, Macys. He picks out everything he is interested in, tries it on, and we make choices. I really liked your idea about teaching our kids their other monthly expenses. Thanks for all your wise and thoughtful information!
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