I never thought the day would come when I would actually be able to allow Marisa to be out alone unsupervised. There were many reasons for that. Marisa would approach strangers for no other reason than that they were good looking. She would wander on to other people's property just because it was inviting enough. She would go with anyone who asked her to just because they happened to ask. In other words, Marisa had no concept of what was right, acceptable or safe.
Over the years we have worked through all these difficulties with the use of goal charting. Walking out of the house and wandering off was on the forbidden list for obvious reasons related to safety of a young child unaware of dangers. Losing points on her goal chart each time she would wander out of the house, or onto other neighbor's property without an invitation to do so, was traumatic enough for her to stop herself from repeating such behaviors.
Approaching strangers was another challenging behavior we needed to put a stop to. Marisa would frequently approach people that she felt were attractive and then attempt to exchange phone numbers. Not only would she approach strangers out in public, but she would search for peers on Facebook who were living and attending school in our community. This was not a wise thing to do, because she placed herself in the vulnerable position of being made fun of without even realizing it. She needed to understand that people she was connecting with were not her friends in any sense of the word. Due to her autism and naivety, this was a bit of a challenge. We needed to have many serious discussion about the meaning of friendship and who our real friends are.
It was just this past week that I had to give serious thought to how much I could really trust Marisa. Schools were closed for Easter and Passover break. Marisa was home and unable to arrange plans with friends, because she had a cold. Having attended two birthday parties, two shopping trips to the mall, lots of time connecting with her friends through e-mail and instant messaging, it still was not enough activity to keep Marisa happy. Something new was brewing under the surface. It was a growing desire to assert her independence ... if just a little more.
Near the end of the vacation she approached me and said, "I want to take a walk outside alone." My older daughter had just come back from a run around our neighborhood, and I realized that Marisa lit up like a light bulb when the thought occurred to her that she should be able to do that too."No, it's not a good idea. We can walk together," I replied hoping she would let it go. Marisa wasn't giving up as she said, "But I want to walk alone without you!" "Not a good idea to go alone. Even I don't like walking alone," I said hoping she would accept that. It wasn't to be, though. "But I'm 19 and want to walk alone. I won't go off the path or talk to any strangers," she pleaded. I realized how important this was becoming to her and finally decided to give it a try. "OKAY! OKAY!" She rushed to her room to change into a comfortable walking outfit. When she returned, she was wearing a flimsy tank over shorts. "Go put on a tee shirt to walk out in public. It's not like you're on an indoor treadmill at home," I said. Marisa rushed back to her room to change. She was so excited to have this new found freedom. It was not just the freedom she was rejoicing but the idea that I believed enough in her ability to do what was right and safe ... her ability to be trusted finally to make the right choices on her own.
When she returned ready to venture out I said, "You have 15 minutes to walk. You should be back by then." "Okay, I will," she replied. I can't even tell you the thoughts and feeling that were going through my mind for those minutes that she was gone. I knew she could be trusted to do all the right things. I knew she would be safe out there on her own, and that was because of all the years of preparation leading up to this moment. And I thought, What good are all the goals and all the lessons on proper behavior if she's never going to have a chance to use what she has learned? Then she was back in 12 minutes. "I'M HOME!" she called out with a broad smile on her face! "How was your walk?" I asked. "It was good! I'm a MATURE 19 year old!" she replied with a proud, satisfied smile on her face.
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