Tantrum Over Losing a Password?

Marisa spends a good deal of time on her computer as other teens do when they come home from school. Usually, as she listens to her music on itunes, she catches up on e-mail, instant messaging and her favorite social groups, but this particular evening something was suddenly going very wrong for her.

As I was cleaning up the dishes, she started to yell and complain, "I lost it! I can't get it!"

I dropped what I was doing to check out the problem at hand. "What did you lose?" I asked.

"I forgot my password for the JCPenny on-line contest," she cried. There was a distinct tremor and panic in her voice along with the anger mixed with tears so distinct to her when she was feeling frustrated and helpless. "Hmm ... let me see," I said to try and help her regain her composure.

A few weeks ago Marisa had insisted on heading over to JCPenny to have me take a few pictures of her posing with the display of mannequins. She wanted to enter an on-line modeling contest sponsored by JCPenny. Why not!, I thought. It's a fun idea and will give Marisa a way to compare herself to others entering the contest. She always worked hard at putting her own unique look together and was proud of the way she looked. Feeling good about herself was something that she had come to achieve, not only by creating her own fashion sense, but by developing good eating habits and being determined to exercise daily. She so wanted to do this that it seemed well worth it.

After taking the pictures we headed home. Once at home, Marisa created her user name and password to upload her pictures to the website and enter the contest. Then she was able to return to it each day to see how she ranked with other contestants. What a fun idea! Well, it was fun until she forgot her password.

"Why did you forget your password?" I asked. "Haven't you been checking the contest daily?"

Well, she didn't seem to have an answer, and it did seem very odd to me that she would forget anything. Marisa has such a remarkable memory after all. I thought it was possible there was a problem with the website. "It's really very simple to fix," I said. I showed Marisa that under her username there is a spot to click on when you forget something. She clicked on it, filled out her e-mail address and then submitted it. "Okay! Now you will have to go check your e-mail and find the password to use. It's that simple!"

Marisa did just that, and all was well as she entered the contest site to check her latest rating.

"Crying doesn't solve problems, but using your head like a grown up person does," I reminded her. "I'm not a baby!" Marisa said. "No? Then why did you cry and tantrum the way you did?" I asked her. "Next time stay calm and ask for help. That's what grown-ups do," I said. "I'll remember ... I'm grown-up," she replied as she clicked through the list of contestants to find herself among them.