So when Marisa was ready to leave for camp with a totally different goal chart to go along with her camp environment, I looked at her progress on her current goal chart and noticed that she had 340 points. Now in previous years I would have asked her to transfer those points to her camp goal chart, but it seemed a bit petty and even silly to me, to ask her to do that since she was leaving for camp the next morning. After all, in another day she would have earned the extra points and I would have had to ship the Now 34 CD she was earning.
"Marisa, I'm going to let you earn Now 34 for 340 points this time so I won't have to ship it to you in a day. You'll be able to start your camp goal chart from scratch, earning a possible total each day of 12 points for the 6 listed goals to work on at camp."
Marisa did not comment, and I didn't check to see what she did with the old goal chart from home. However, she was very happy to receive the Now 34 CD early and eagerly packed it in her CD case with her other CDs that she was taking to camp.
Two days later, I received a letter from Marisa. Here's the letter, exactly as it was written:
"Dear Mom, Dad, and Deborah,
How are you?
Yesterday I earned 352 points to get Disney Channel Playlist Soundtrack! Would you like to send me Disney Channel Playlist in the mail?
Please write me back!
Love,
Marisa"
Okay, so all my explaining about starting the camp goal chart from scratch didn't register with her. Or did it? She received the Now 34 CD as her choice reward just 2 days earlier, and now she thinks she can get her next choice reward after just earning 12 points at camp? I realized that Marisa was adding 12 points from her first day of camp to the home goal chart that already had 340 points. What was she thinking? Was she really unable to deal with the idea that she earned Now 34 for just 340 points instead of the usual 350 points? Or was she actually trying to fool me, perhaps thinking I would forget about giving her Now 34 before she actually earned it?
Now I was put in the position of having to write an extended explanation to Marisa. I also had to write an explanation to her counselors, so they could help her readjust her camp goal chart to the correct number of points from the first day of camp. I was also concerned about setting off a possible tantrum because I had given her Now 34 for 10 points short of what she should have had to earn. All this was getting more complicated than I ever had expected. I should have just let her earn the 350 points and then mailed the CD. It would have saved me the need for all these explanations.
"You're just so mean," my daughter Shoshana said. "Why don't you just send the new CD. She thinks she earned it."
"But she didn't earn it, and I think she's trying to fool me," I said. "I'll find out when I talk to her on the phone."
Monday morning, Marisa was due to call at 8:30 A.M. The phone rang, I picked it up.
"Hello," I said.
"Hi mom, how are you?" was the standard reply.
"I'm fine. How are things at camp?" I asked, wanting to wait for her to bring up the reward she thought she was entitled to.
"I earned 352 points. Are you going to send me Disney Channel Playlist in the mail?"
I knew this was coming. I proceeded to remind Marisa about how she had earned Now 34 for 340 points and needed to earn a full 350 points from scratch in order to earn the new CD.
"I sent you and your counselors a letter explaining all this in case you don't understand what I'm telling you now," I said.
"There's going to be a Country Western Dance this Saturday," she replied. "Will you send my pink cowboy hat, my pink bandana, my denim skirt and pink plaid blouse to me in the mail?"
There had been no argument about the CD. Now she was asking for something else that was important to her.
So was Marisa actually trying to pull the wool over my eyes and get me to send the new goal chart reward early? Or was she simply confused about the fact that I let her earn her chosen reward early in order to avoid having to put it in the mail the next day? I guess I'll never really know for sure.
So what is the point of all this? I think that with autism, nothing can ever be taken for granted, and that is what I did when I tried to simplify things. Unfortunately, nothing is ever that simple with autism. Did I learn a lesson? Probably not, because I thought Marisa could adjust to this small change. The bottom line is, that I will probably continue to test her ability to accept change, whether it is change in routine or change in the number of points earned. It's important to challenge our children with autism even if it takes us out of our comfort zone. Let's break them away from always thinking things will forever be the same even if it makes things more difficult for us as it did for me in this situation. Isn't that what growing is all about?
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