Being Unsentimental Can Be A Good Thing

While reorganizing an unused bedroom, I came across one of my favorite childhood dolls. This rag doll, whom I named Carol after my friend, has a crank used to vocalize a few phrases, though because of it's age, the phrases are no longer audible. The doll, dating back to 1953, is one of the few remaining items I still have from my childhood. I picked up the doll, considering dumping it in the garbage. The fabric on the hands and feet were badly worn with holes showing the aged stuffing. Then I glanced at a framed picture of the Carol doll, dated 1955, hanging on the wall. The doll was so special to me that I had drawn a detailed picture. I put the doll back on the shelf, not having the heart to throw it away. I realized that the sentimental value was just too strong.

I stopped to make a comparison to my daughter with autism. Once Marisa had been extremely attached to a favorite stuffed Gund dog named Mutsy. She had received Mutsy as a gift when she was 15 months old. From the time she had set eyes on the dog, it had become an inseparable item to her. Like a security blanket to some, Mutsy went everywhere with Marisa. Then when she was 12 years old, she started to wean herself away from the dog. First Mutsy was left at home. After a number of months, Mutsy was put away in a drawer. Then, one day, while cleaning out her room, Marisa told me to throw Mutsy away.

"In the garbage?" I asked in horror, as I started to feel the pain of a lost friend.

"He's old and torn, and I don't need him any more! I'm a big girl now. Mutsy is for babies," was her answer.

It was extremely difficult for me to put Mutsy in the garbage. I thought, What if she regrets it later? Then what? I asked her again, and she reassured me that her decision was final. I put Mutsy in a plastic garbage bag. Sealing the bag, I put it in the non-perishable garbage away from food items. I thought, At least it's in clean garbage, and I don't have to look at it there. I then thought about the old worn out dog all night before the garbage was picked up in the morning. I even considered retrieving it from the trash. But then I realized how silly I was being. Marisa didn't need or want Mutsy any more. It was that final a decision for her. She was right! The dog with it's button eyes and nose, which had long since replaced the original ones, and it's limp and bare neck and body sadly lacking in stuffing, showed the many years of use and love. I contemplated that Mutsy had served it's purpose well.

So what was it about this that dawned on me as such a special moment? I considered the difference between neuro-typicals, like myself, and someone on the autism spectrum, like Marisa. The fact that Marisa got over the need for Mutsy and the need to keep him, shows she is not as affected by sentimental attachments as I am. This may actually be a very good trait!

Many of us keep things forever! We are unable to let go, because of the sentimental attachments we form. Just as Marisa was so able to part with Mutsy, I noticed she was also able to part with old clothes, other toys and items in her bedroom that she had outgrown physically or emotionally. I considered the ease with which she was able to part with these items and realized there was a positive aspect to this. Out of all the members in my family, Marisa is by far, the neatest and most organized. She knows exactly what she has, where to find things she needs, and is meticulous in caring for everything she owns. Her surroundings are amazingly uncluttered!

I paused to think about the implications of this, and realized that Marisa had some very useful character traits. Why can't I be more like Marisa? Then I thought about how we are all unique with various abilities, strengths and weaknesses. No one is perfect! Don't we all try to utilize our best qualities to find jobs we are able to excel in to enjoy and achieve our life goals? Then why not take the strongest and best traits of our children with autism and channel those traits in to marketable jobs? Feeling useful and needed will ultimately lead to growing confidence and healthy self-esteem. Being included and able to contribute what we are good at to society can and will make us all winners. Isn't that the goal we are all striving for?

So if Marisa is able to toss out something old and start fresh with something new and different, rather than cringe and think, how can she do that? I now say, "Good for you! Keep it up!" Because, some day, Marisa's going to use all her wonderful skills to do something she will be good at and maybe even earn money doing it. I hope that day will come when Marisa will be able to say, I'm proud and happy with what I'm able to do, because it comes naturally!

And wouldn't it be nice if we could all say the same?