Moving Ahead on the Road to Independence

Many years ago, I invested a good 2 years in teaching Marisa how to use her house key to get in to the house after school. This was a slow and steady learning experience that paid off many times over since she fully learned this skill. Every step to achieving this goal took many months of practice.

For example, trusting Marisa enough to walk to the door, rather than stroll off down the street, was the first step. Most parents of young children wait outside for their child's bus. Long past the age when parents are comfortable to have their neuro-typical kids walk from the bus on their own, I was still there to escort Marisa to the house. So letting Marisa walk from the bus to the house on her own was a major first step in this process.

At first, I informed Marisa that I would be watching her from a window inside the house and would come out to meet her and help her with the key. She knew I was expecting her to come to the door, rather than wandering off down the road. For this, she knew she was earning reward points and in so doing, she remained focused.

Then, learning to put the key in the door lock was a step in itself that required her to retrieve it from her safe storage hook in her backpack. Developing the confidence and ability to repeatedly use the key correctly took much longer than it would for most typical children.

Then, once inside the house she needed to learn to turn the alarm off, and then turn it back on and finally make sure the door was locked from the inside. She also needed to remember to return her key to the safe place inside her backpack so it would not get misplaced. Believe it or not, this whole procedure took me two years from beginning to end, when she and I were both fully confident in her ability.

There were times I was late getting home, and Marisa was finally able to use her new skill and prove herself worthy of my trust in her to do the right thing. What a relief it was for me, and what a sense of pride and accomplishment we both felt that she was able to do this on her own. This was not by any means a quick and easy task to accomplish.

Since this has been accomplished, and Marisa is capable of managing on her own for a couple of hours if need be, what next? Well, I realize that since my 91 year old dad has been ill and my mom is in need of help going to see him in the rehabilitation center where he is regaining his ability to move around again after two nasty falls, I know that it is time to help Marisa put some of her interest in cooking to it's practical use.

Thankfully, Marisa is interested in learning to prepare meals and cook for herself. Her interest is so strong, that she has come to plan all our daily meals by selecting nothing short of healthy recipes for dinner. She also has watched me prepare my usual salad each night which involves shredding carrots in the food processor, crushing garlic with a garlic press, slicing red pepper, scallion, cucumber, and avocado by hand, and then finally slicing tomatoes in the food processor after switching the blade from shredder to slicer. Do I think she would  be able to handle this task? You bet I do! Will she be willing to do it if I needed her to help out if I couldn't make it home early enough? There's only one way to find out. It's time to start the slow and steady process of engaging her in the step by step tasks of handling all those vegetables one by one.

So now, each day when I am preparing my dinner salad, Marisa will participate in helping. Of course it would be so much easier for me to just do it myself, but even if it takes longer, because she is listening and practicing the steps alongside me, think of the pride she will feel when she has finally mastered this skill. No matter how long it takes for her to learn, it is one more step on the road to independence.

One day, I may call her at home to say, "I'm going to be late." Then perhaps instead of her asking me,  "When will we have dinner?", she'll be able to say, "I'll get the salad ready, mom!" There will be a true sense of pride and accomplishment for her and and a sense of relief and pride, for me, to know that I have done my job in helping her be less dependent on me and more capable of taking the initiative to care for herself and make a contribution to helping her family through a difficult time.