The sun was shining brightly and it was the start of a new day. After she had gone through her usual morning routine of dressing and making her breakfast, Marisa was about to get ready to leave for school. Now she could be expected back in the kitchen to ask me to mute the TV news (she doesn't like listening to news in the morning), but something was clearly wrong by the tone in her voice.
"MOM! My shirt has a HOLE in it! Can you FIX it?" she cried out as if the world was going to come to an end any minute.
I knew this was going to be a big challenge for me. I quickly thought over my options. I didn't want to get her upset any more than necessary over what seemed like a major problem to her. Of course I would be annoyed if it was MY shirt ... one that was just bought under a month ago. If it had happened to me, I would simply return it with my receipt, but Marisa's shirt was actually a special one that she had purchased from a Miranda Cosgrove concert. That being the case, there was no way of returning it or exchanging it. I looked at the hole in the shirt ... smack in the middle of the chest and wondered how that could have happened. It made me angry to think it was a defect that had gone unnoticed.
"I can't fix it now but I will definitely fix it with a matching iron-on patch and even a rhinestone to cover the patch. After all, the hole happens to be just above the "D" in Miranda. It will add a nice sparkle to the shirt. Why don't you wear another shirt today?"
Marisa wasn't quite happy about that. She started to grit her teeth and get more upset. That's when I realized that she needed to hear the options.
"Okay, look! Here's the choices you have. You can wear the shirt with the hole today. It doesn't really show anyway, and I can fix it for the next time you wear it. Or, you could take it off and wear another shirt that doesn't have a hole. It's your choice. Either choice will be fine, but gritting your teeth and getting angry isn't going to solve the problem."
She stood there thinking it over and then said, "I'll change."
Off she went to find another shirt, and a few minutes later she appeared looking as together as usual.
"Hey, you're looking very pretty now," I said.
It's all about choices and making wise decisions. Marisa needed someone to help her navigate those choices, but once she made a decision she was back on track and ready to face the new day.
I sent a note to her teacher to let her know what had happened, just in case Marisa seemed upset about the change in her planned attire for the day. Later I was happy to receive a note back from the teacher that Marisa had not once referred to the hole in the shirt incident.
Now I know that Marisa has really matured! She was able to handle this disappointment and move on. There was a time when this would not have been the case. For example, she might have had a major tantrum that would have made her late catching her bus, or she might have gone to school and been upset all day, which would have been disruptive. She also might have refused to change into another shirt, which would have caused her to obsess over it all day.
The point is that although she was upset initially, she was able to think it through, make a wise decision and then move on with her day. I couldn't have handled that any better myself. Was I pleasantly surprised? Yes I was! Then I realized that with age comes wisdom, even for our special needs kids. This is something that all parents of children with autism or any disability should always remember. Maybe it comes at a slower rate, but we need to realize and have faith that wisdom does come with age, no matter how small an amount. And with the patience, nurturing and ever so gentle guidance we provide, every bit of wisdom our children gain, should be appreciated and acknowledged as a successful achievement in their quest to become fully functioning adults.
"MOM! My shirt has a HOLE in it! Can you FIX it?" she cried out as if the world was going to come to an end any minute.
I knew this was going to be a big challenge for me. I quickly thought over my options. I didn't want to get her upset any more than necessary over what seemed like a major problem to her. Of course I would be annoyed if it was MY shirt ... one that was just bought under a month ago. If it had happened to me, I would simply return it with my receipt, but Marisa's shirt was actually a special one that she had purchased from a Miranda Cosgrove concert. That being the case, there was no way of returning it or exchanging it. I looked at the hole in the shirt ... smack in the middle of the chest and wondered how that could have happened. It made me angry to think it was a defect that had gone unnoticed.
"I can't fix it now but I will definitely fix it with a matching iron-on patch and even a rhinestone to cover the patch. After all, the hole happens to be just above the "D" in Miranda. It will add a nice sparkle to the shirt. Why don't you wear another shirt today?"
Marisa wasn't quite happy about that. She started to grit her teeth and get more upset. That's when I realized that she needed to hear the options.
"Okay, look! Here's the choices you have. You can wear the shirt with the hole today. It doesn't really show anyway, and I can fix it for the next time you wear it. Or, you could take it off and wear another shirt that doesn't have a hole. It's your choice. Either choice will be fine, but gritting your teeth and getting angry isn't going to solve the problem."
She stood there thinking it over and then said, "I'll change."
Off she went to find another shirt, and a few minutes later she appeared looking as together as usual.
"Hey, you're looking very pretty now," I said.
It's all about choices and making wise decisions. Marisa needed someone to help her navigate those choices, but once she made a decision she was back on track and ready to face the new day.
I sent a note to her teacher to let her know what had happened, just in case Marisa seemed upset about the change in her planned attire for the day. Later I was happy to receive a note back from the teacher that Marisa had not once referred to the hole in the shirt incident.
Now I know that Marisa has really matured! She was able to handle this disappointment and move on. There was a time when this would not have been the case. For example, she might have had a major tantrum that would have made her late catching her bus, or she might have gone to school and been upset all day, which would have been disruptive. She also might have refused to change into another shirt, which would have caused her to obsess over it all day.
The point is that although she was upset initially, she was able to think it through, make a wise decision and then move on with her day. I couldn't have handled that any better myself. Was I pleasantly surprised? Yes I was! Then I realized that with age comes wisdom, even for our special needs kids. This is something that all parents of children with autism or any disability should always remember. Maybe it comes at a slower rate, but we need to realize and have faith that wisdom does come with age, no matter how small an amount. And with the patience, nurturing and ever so gentle guidance we provide, every bit of wisdom our children gain, should be appreciated and acknowledged as a successful achievement in their quest to become fully functioning adults.
No comments:
Post a Comment