The Meaning of "In A Relationship"

Not long ago I checked out Marisa's Facebook page and discovered that her profile showed she was in a relationship with a boy "friend." Then later that evening she added that she was in a relationship with another boy "friend." Marisa was very pleased with herself for having friends to connect with, but she failed to understand the meaning of the words in a relationship. We had talked about this difficulty before, and I tried to explain to Marisa that being in a relationship with a boy could be misinterpreted by others. "Having a friend and being in a relationship are two very different things," I said. Yet, she continued to enter in her profile that she was in a relationship with one friend or another and would periodically change the person she would say she was in a relationship with. "Just because you correspond with a friend through e-mail, IM or on your Facebook page, doesn't mean that there is more than a friendship going on," I reminded Marisa again. In spite of all my reminders, she just wasn't getting it.

Finally the time came to sit down and review in detail the difference between a relationship and a friendship, and hopefully Marisa would understand the difference between the two. To make things as clear as possible, I needed to refer to the dictionary and go over the meanings of each word.

Friend: "a person who likes or is helpful to one" as in a friendship

Relation: "connection by blood or marriage" as in a relationship

Marisa needed to understand that to say she is in a relationship could be misleading to others who may think that she is intimately involved with one person. Not only had she listed herself as being in a relationship with a boy, but also listed herself as being in a relationship with one of her girlfriends. When one of her friends, who happened to be a boy, saw her profile, he wrote to ask her if she had a special interest in girls only. This was a good opportunity for me to explain how others could easily misinterpret her meaning.

"Remember, Marisa, that being in a relationship usually means that you are intimate with someone or married to that person. You have many friends! That's wonderful, because you can share thoughts and interests with many people who care about you."

This sounded good as I was saying it and seemed easy to understand, yet for Marisa it wasn't quite that simple. Marisa, my daughter with autism, wants to reach out and find a way to connect with her friends in her own very special way which she seems to do on a daily basis. What's the problem here? It's a matter of definition, so when Marisa is finally able to say to me, "I'm in a new friendship!" I'll know that she has finally come to understand the difference between the two words. That will be one more step in the right direction ... one more special moment to learn from!