Wednesday, October 27, 2010

How Do Our Children Learn From the Consequences of the Things They Do?

Joining social networking groups ...  planning parties ...

These things always seem like such fun ideas to Marisa. She has signed up for many social networking groups, with the thought in mind that she would be making new friends. Somehow, she doesn't seem to realize that this could be just as dangerous as approaching a stranger on the street.

"Why did you do this after all the discussions we've had?" I would ask.

She would tell me that one of her friends suggested a certain group to join, or that she found it available on Facebook.

"That doesn't matter, and doesn't make it okay for you," I would say. "Let's take a look at some of the people who have looked at your profile and are interested in meeting you."

We then would browse the long list of young and some times older men who seemed to want to meet Marisa. "Are you really interested in meeting this person ... or this one ... or that one?" I would say, as we'd peruse the long list of interested possible new friends.

"NO, NO!" she'd yell back as she glanced at the numerous individuals ranging in age from 15 to 40 and beyond.

Well, the Internet is a dangerous place for our kids, requiring us to be forever watchful, always needing to explain the reasons why certain things are just not a good idea.

"I don't talk to strangers!" Marisa would say, but she may very well think that typing on the computer doesn't qualify as talking to strangers. So, again we have to cover all the bases and explain that this is just as dangerous, if not worse, because inviting strangers to look over your profile could lead to major problems.

The consequences were clear enough once Marisa viewed the interested list of young and older men.

Okay, so it doesn't end there. Last week, I received a Facebook message from one of Marisa's friends. She was letting me know that she would attend Marisa's Halloween Party on October 31st at 5 PM.

What? What party? I was thinking. I quickly logged in to Marisa's Facebook page and there to my disbelief, though actually I wasn't so surprised, was an event posted for a Halloween Party from 5-9 PM on October 31st at my home. How nice of Marisa to also post on the event that no egg throwing would be allowed. As I glanced over the invitation list, I saw that there were some 40 friends invited. WOW! This was wishful planning on Marisa's part. Every year we have a birthday party at our home, but I limit it to 25. Major planning goes in to the party. We shop for paper tableware, plan activities, rearrange a room for seating and order food.

"Marisa, how were you planning to have this party without telling me?" I asked.

"Oh ... I don't know."

"And what were you going to serve at the party?"

"Pizza for 40!" she replied as if it was going to be the event of the year!

"Okay, so how were you planning to pay for all the pizza?"

"Hmm!"

Well it really did get her thinking!

"Yes, I know you always want to have a Halloween Party, but one big birthday party in the house each year is more than enough responsibility." I explained. "I know you're disappointed, and I guess you figured that since I wouldn't agree to the party, you just would skip the asking part, and go straight to the inviting. What do you think would happen if all your friends showed up and there was no plan in place? No party tables or tableware for eating, no pizza, and no planned activity. Then what?"

Marisa thought and then said, "I'm sorry!"

I looked at her sympathetically and remarked, "I guess you were trying to make this dream come true, but in reality, the dream would have turned into a nightmare!"

Marisa glanced off seeming deep in thought as she replied "yeah" and then laughed at the consequence of the nightmare that didn't happen.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The First Step in Food Safety

Have you ever purchased canned food, only to come home and find that the vacuum seal has been compromised because the inverted button on the top of the can is not inverted? That has happened to me more than once. Now I carefully check the cans and jars I select at the store before I purchase them. When cans and jars are safely sealed, there will be no popping sound when you press down on the top of the can or jar cap.

While teaching our children to prepare food, we also need to teach them to check for airtight seals on the jars and cans they purchase, because some day they may be purchasing these items on their own. On trips to the supermarket, I give Marisa items we select to check for the airtight seal. I remind her that if it makes a popping noise, then it is not okay to purchase, because the airtight seal has been broken and the food may no longer be fresh. Then it's important to turn the item in to customer service so other people will not purchase the item and risk getting sick.

At home I might open a can or jar and then ask Marisa to test it to see if it is still airtight or has been opened, or I might show her an opened jar as opposed to one that hasn't been opened yet. Then I will ask her to distinguish between the one that is opened and the one that is still sealed. I want to be sure she remembers to always check items before using them.

Recently Marisa announced that she found the perfect recipe for nights that she would have to eat quickly in order to make it to her Drama Club. I was very pleasantly surprised when she selected a very healthy recipe from The Biggest Loser 30-Day Jump Start cookbook she recently purchased for herself.

"Portobello Pizzas! Oh how nice!" I remarked.

We purchased all the ingredients together, and then I watched as she assembled and prepared her quick fix dinner. She preheated the oven, took out all the ingredients, lined and greased a baking pan, and washed and dried her 2 portobello mushrooms. Then she took the new jar of pizza sauce we had purchased and pressed down on the cap to test it's airtight seal. As she opened the jar there was a pop and a rush of air.

"Check the seal now," I said. She pressed the cap and listened to the pop, knowing that because she had opened the jar, there would be a distinct popping sound.

"Now that the jar is opened, you will have to refrigerate it," I said.

We checked the sauce website to find out how long we could safely refrigerate an opened jar of sauce, and learned that it was safe to use for seven days. I suggested that we write the date on the jar so we will remember when the sauce was opened. "Okay," Marisa answered as we marked the cap of the jar. "I'll use it again on Friday before my evening program!"

I was relieved to realize that I was taking steps to make sure Marisa would know these very basic but important food safety precautions. I thought back and cringed at the time she opened a jar of sauce and then stored it in the kitchen cabinet for another day. It wasn't until a week later that I found the jar she had used at least two times. I learned something very important from that experience. We can't assume these little things will be learned by osmosis. Every little thing must be taught. Just one more moment to learn from in the journey toward a safe, less dependent and happy future.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Telephone Safety

"Hello!"

"Who is this?" Marisa asked.

And again I heard Marisa ask,

"Who is this?"

Then a third time she asked,

"Who is this?" before she then said to the person on the other end of the line,

"It's Marisa ... Marisa Rubin."

That was how it went as Marisa answered the phone, but it was far from the typical way most of her experiences answering the phone go. I quickly tuned in when she repeated Who is this? three times and obviously was not getting an answer. Then she gave her name to a stranger on the phone.

I grabbed the phone to ask, "Who is this?" When I got that same question repeated back to me, I then asked again, "No, who are YOU?" Okay, I finally got an answer, and then asked,

"Who do you want to speak to?"

When the person on the other end of the line finally answered me, I realized it was a wrong number and then told him. When I got off the phone, I knew that Marisa had a small moment to learn from as a result of this incident.

"Marisa, when someone calls and doesn't tell you who they are, you don't give them your name. You need to find out who you are talking to. You might as well be giving your name out to a stranger on the street. Except in this case, the stranger already has your phone number," I explained.

So how does one go about teaching our very naive children on the autism spectrum how to answer the phone safely? This was not an easy task.

I started out by telling Marisa that when someone doesn't give you an answer to the question

Who is this?

you don't turn around and allow them to ask you the same question! You should never give out your name to a stranger on the phone or anywhere else for that matter.

I wasn't sure if she really understood this idea so I decided to try a few practice conversations.

"Okay, pretend I'm the stranger calling, and you answer the phone and say hello. You say, Who is this? and I say in response, Who is THIS? Marisa answered by telling me her name just as she had done on the phone with the stranger. "NO, NO!" I said, feeling totally frustrated but not willing to give up. It took about 5 or 6 tries to get Marisa to finally answer the question by repeating the question, Who is this? Finally we were making headway. I think she was getting it at last.

Then one afternoon, the phone rang as usual, and Marisa answered the phone.

"Hello, who is this?" she asked, as she always does when she answers the phone.

I looked up and waited to find out who was calling.

"Who is this?" she asked a second time.

"Who is this?" she repeated yet again. Marisa was listening, and then I knew that the lesson I had given was going to be put to the test at last. Then she said,

"Who do you want to speak to?" She listened and then said,"Oh, you have the wrong number!" This she announced with pride in her voice as she hung up the phone.

"Marisa, who called?"

"Oh, it was a wrong number!" she said.

"Well, I'm proud of you for remembering to get the person's name and who they wanted to speak to. You did a great job today!"

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Our Responsibility for Providing Healthy Choices

"Mom, here's a great recipe for our next chicken dinner!"

 This is typically what I hear very frequently from Marisa these days. My 20 year old daughter with autism is on a crusade to improve not just her own good eating habits but the eating habits of everyone living in our home. My tried, true and favorite recipes are being put on the back burner and challenged by Marisa's continued, tireless search for healthful new ones. Just last night she placed 3 new recipes on my kitchen counter for me to review. These were Chive & Cheese Omelet, Pita Pizza, and Citrus Chicken.  

"Wow!" I commented as I looked over the recipes that Marisa selected. Then I looked at the small print on the top of the computer printouts. It read, Eat Like a (Hot, Healthy) Celeb! - Seventeen
I have to congratulate Seventeen Magazine for continuing to encourage young women to develop healthy eating habits and regular exercise routines. Each month Marisa eagerly anticipates her next issue in order to browse the latest recipes and fitness routines offered, and each month she changes her routine accordingly. 

What I find amazing is that where most people find comfort in a familiar routine of eating and exercising  the same way, Marisa seems to be just the opposite. Her enthusiasm is refreshing to say the least. I'm jealous of her never ending search for new recipes and exercises. I'm having a hard time just doing the same old cooking and exercise routines, let alone trying new ones every day. Her search for variety just doesn't seem to fit, given who she is, because people with autism are likely to be more comfortable in sticking to sameness. I'm a bit puzzled by this, but I can't say I'm unhappy about it, except that when it comes to preparing new foods, it does create more difficulties for me. For example, I have to check for new ingredients to buy. Then I have to spend more time reviewing the recipes and following the steps involved. The good thing about this, however, is that Marisa is eager to participate and learn how to prepare the foods, because the recipes are the ones that she selected herself. So ... how can I possibly say no to that! I should be absolutely thrilled and, yes, I really am.

So when did Marisa's crusade for healthy living begin? It was back in 2008 when Marisa had a course at school on good nutrition. She learned that she was 30 pounds overweight according to the guidelines given for her age and height. She also learned everything there was to know about good nutrition. Many people with autism take things very literally and in this particular case this attribute turned out to be most helpful. Thus the start of a health kick crusade!

"I'm going to lose 30 pounds starting today!" she announced to me.

"Why now?" I asked.

I didn't get that answer till the end of the year when Marisa's classwork came home, and I was able to view the healthy eating and exercise unit she had participated in. This was a wonderful thing for Marisa, and I have to give a lot of credit to her school for getting her started in the right direction.

Then, just the other day, Marisa came home and handed me a recipe she made in her after-school program at the JCC she attends.

"Let's make this recipe!" she eagerly announced. I glanced at the recipe for an all sugar concoction and looked at Marisa.

"Did you eat this?" I asked.

"Yeah!" she answered.

"This is not a healthy snack. Why would you want to eat something like this? I thought you knew what's healthy and what's not?"

"But it was at the JCC so it must be okay!" she responded.

"Well, what do you really think?" I asked.

"I think I better go brush my teeth ...  now!" Marisa said.

I know that we can't keep our kids in a vacuum when it comes to candy and sugary snacks, but I was disappointed to realize that the choice for a snack preparation activity was one filled with sugar. In a time when our kids have a rising increase in obesity and juvenile diabetes, schools and recreation groups should be encouraging healthy snack alternatives. These groups are supposed to be responsible in setting good examples for all of our kids. That is why I am especially happy to learn that a new children's book series called The Secret Life of Mitch Spinach is now available for children to read, enjoy and learn from. The story is meant to encourage children to pursue a healthy diet and in so doing, they will be stronger, happier and better able to achieve their goals. Isn't that what our children and we as parents both want? Check out this fabulous website to learn more!http://www.MitchSpinach.com




Thursday, August 5, 2010

Is "No!" a Proper Response in a Letter?

No! 

That's what I got in a letter from Marisa at camp yesterday. I realized that she was answering some question I asked her in the letter she received from me last week. But that was last week, and now I don't have a clue what I had asked her. Is there a small moment to learn from here? I see one!

Marisa needs to realize that when answering a question in a letter, it's important to repeat the question in the answer. For example:

Do you need anything besides blue nail polish?
No, I don't need anything besides blue nail polish when you visit me.


Don't you want to have ice-cream at camp from the ice-cream bar?
No, I don't want to have ice-cream for dessert at camp, but prefer to go out for ice-cream somewhere else. 

I'm brainstorming here, trying to figure out what question she answered with No! 

Well, I'm about to find out, because this weekend we will be visiting Marisa at camp, and I will bring the letter in question with me to pair up with the letter I wrote that initiated the baffling No response. I know I'll be able to do this, because Marisa tapes all the letters, she receives, to the wall in her room at camp. So once I find the letter in question, I'll be able to give Marisa a very brief lesson on the proper way to respond to a question.

Then, we'll see the results of this lesson in letters to follow. I'll give her lots of opportunities to practice this new skill, by sending her a few questions in the next few letters I send her.

So is there a small moment to learn from here? Absolutely, and I can't wait to see the results!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

In Search of Healthy Recipes #4

The following recipe Marisa also chose from The Weight Watcher's Cookbook. This recipe she chose as a side dish for the Southwestern Salmon Recipe #1 in this series. I never used to make mashed potatoes, but with much encouragement from Marisa this past year, I perfected my own recipe, which I feel is easier and quicker than the one I am going to post here. So for every one's benefit, I will add notes on how to simplify the recipe. Of course, when Marisa comes home from camp, I will have to use this recipe to satisfy her curiosity. Okay, so here it is:

Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes (four servings)

1 medium head garlic, papery skin removed and top sliced off to expose cloves
1 1/4 pounds all-purpose potatoes, peeled and thinly sliced
1 bay leaf
1/2 tsp. salt
3 Tbsp. fat-free buttermilk (here I would prefer to use butter since I can't imagine buying a whole quart of buttermilk just to use 3 Tbsp. However, if you're on a weight watcher's diet, you probably have the buttermilk in the refrigerator anyway.)

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Wrap the garlic head in aluminum foil; bake until cloves are soft, 45-60 minutes. Let cool 10 minutes; squeeze the pulp from the cloves into a small bowl. (This step will heat the kitchen, and I feel is not very practical in the summer unless done in a microwave. I would prefer to take the cloves, separate each from the garlic head, cut off the ends and use a garlic press to mince the garlic into a bowl. See the attached garlic press, which is amazing!)



2. In a large pot, combine the potatoes, bay leaf, 1/4 tsp. of the salt and enough cold water to cover; bring to a boil. Reduce the heat, and simmer and cook until the potatoes are tender, 10-15 minutes. Drain, reserving the cooking liquid; discard the bay leaf. (The potatoes can also be cooked in a microwave, and the cooking time can be reduced by cutting the potatoes in quarters.) 


3. With a potato masher (see attached masher in the sidebar, which works with the greatest ease) or an electric mixer at low speed, mash the potatoes with the garlic, buttermilk, and the remaining 1/4 tsp. salt; thin with the cooking liquid, if needed. 


Serve with the Southwestern Salmon or any other dish obviously. Happy eating!







Thursday, July 22, 2010

In Search of Healthy Recipes #3

Today's recipe, once again, Marisa selected from The Weight Watcher's Cookbook.

Tofu Stir-Fry (This recipe serves 4).

2 1/2 tsp. canola oil
1 carrot, diagonally sliced
2 Tbsp. minced peeled fresh ginger
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 pound broccoli (peel the stem), cut into bite-size pieces
1/4 cup reduced-sodium vegetable broth
1 pound firm tofu, diced
1/2 cup thinly sliced shiitake mushroom caps
1 red bell pepper, seeded and cut into matchstick-size pieces
1 onion cut into thin wedges
1 cup snow peas, trimmed
1 Tbsp. + 1 1/2 tsp. soy sauce
pinch crushed red pepper
6 scallions

Directions:

1. Heat a large nonstick skillet or wok with lid over high heat; heat the oil. Stir-fry the carrot 1 minute; add the ginger and garlic; stir-fry 30 seconds. Add the broccoli and broth; steam, covered, 2 minutes, then stir.

2. Add the tofu and cook, stirring, 1 minute. Add the mushrooms, bell pepper, and onion; stir-fry 3 minutes. Add the snow peas, soy sauce, and red pepper; stir-fry 1 minute. Serve, sprinkled with the scallions. Enjoy!

Tomorrow will be the last recipe selected in this series. It is a recipe Marisa chose to accompany the Southwestern Salmon recipe which was #1 in this series.

Anyone interested in ordering The Weight Watcher's Cookbook used for these recipes, please see the sidebar.